Emily's Story

(Includes comments from her mother)

I recently attended the Alcohol Policy XIII National Conference in Boston.  A teenager named Emily gave an eye-opening testimony of how alcohol affected her life.  Her speech at the conference included the following:

“I was diagnosed as an alcoholic when I was just shy of turning 14.  My life was very hectic at that time and I really never thought the whole situation over until last week, when I was writing my speech for this conference.  Putting my story down on paper and telling an audience of strangers was definitely a new experience and it brought something out of me that has been inside for a long time. 

The night I had alcohol poisoning, I was very close to death.  We were told that if the paramedics hadn't been called within a few more hours, I would have died or suffered from severe brain damage.  Being close to death was a wake up call for me, and when I saw how distraught my parents were, I realized I messed up. 

Speaking from my own experience, I know that teenagers don't think about their families or close friends when doing things.  I always had it in the back of my head that I could become an addict and that I could get in trouble with the law and my parents, etc., etc., but I never realized that it really was taking me over.  

From my experience, we are led to believe that being a teenager is all about what you wear, what you look like and who your friends are.  You want to be accepted and to impress your peers.  I never really thought much about it until after my own experience with alcohol.  What we see and learn from an early age is that to accomplish all the things I just mentioned -- have a good time, be cool and socialize “correctly” -- you have to include alcohol.  I learned the hard way that this is not true. 

Let me go back a few years…. I had just started high school and was trying to find my new social group.  One night I went out with Ben to his friend’s house.  I was the only girl surrounded by all older guys.  I wanted to ‘fit in’ and impress them.  So, when they offered me a shot of hard liquor – Southern Comfort to be exact – I took it.   

Pretty soon, without totally realizing it, I had drunk six shots.  I was fully intoxicated – a feeling I had never experienced before.  The feeling I had was fun and new…I wanted to keep doing it.  So, every weekend after that, we pretty much did the same thing.   

Alcohol started to take over however.  I was not having fun unless I was buzzed.  At school, my friends’ problems became my problems.  I started to worry about everyone else but myself.  These worries would only go away when I drank – I would get a numb feeling, a calm feeling.             

I started to drink pretty much everyday.  It was my pain reliever.  After a day of being upset, a few shots would put me at ease.  I got to the point of eventually hating myself.  I wanted to end my life and I started to seriously think about suicide.             

On July 17, 1999, I went to my friend Lisa’s house.  It was just another boring night.  We were home alone so I started to drink.  I didn’t have a shot glass so I used a regular glass.  The first one, I remember, burned really bad.  But once it kicked in, I was fine.  So I went for another and another and another.  One of my last memories of that night was calling up a boy I liked and crying on the phone to him – though I don’t remember what I said.  Then it went dark.           

I woke up to a bunch of yelling and brightness.  I remember my mom screaming for me to open my eyes, and the paramedics telling me to stand up.  They tried to pick me up and help me to my feet, but I fell.  Then, I remember being put on a stretcher and getting carried out.  During this time, I tried to open my eyes, but when I did, it was too bright and extremely blurry, so I kept them closed.  My mom came with me in the ambulance.  She kept talking to me, telling me to stay awake, to keep talking to her.  At the same time I remember the paramedic asking me how much I drank – but I didn’t remember.           

The hospital visit was scary.  I heard the doctor say she wanted to pump my stomach and I started crying.  My mom convinced her I didn’t need my stomach pumped.  When they checked my blood alcohol level, it was either .216 or .218.  That weekend was possibly the worst weekend of my life.  I let everything out on my parents and I hurt them tremendously.            

When I look back on all if it now, I realize how dumb my choices were and how lucky I was.  I started drinking to bring my social status up and it ended up bringing me down.  When word got around school of what happened, I was humiliated.  And what was worse than the humiliation at school was the trust I lost from my family – especially my parents.   

As a young teenager, I honestly believed that I needed alcohol to fit in and be accepted. At 13, I was diagnosed as an alcoholic.  I have learned the hard way that you don’t need alcohol to fit in, have a good time or be accepted. 

As someone who is now making legal and healthy lifestyle choices, I am on the other side of that 50% statistic, (the 50% of teenagers who do not drink alcohol.)  It is not easy to take this stand when so many young people believe they have to drink to fit in and there are adults that support them.” 

Emily’s mother wrote the following to me: 

Dear Jack:

We were introduced to your web site by our daughter Emily, whom you met last recently in Boston.  We are very proud of our daughter and are grateful to God we have her.

As I was reading Robert's story it brought back memories of one Saturday evening during the summer of l999.  Emily's father and I were at home when the phone rang about 9:30pm.  It was Emily's friend Lisa (whose home Emily was at) calling to tell us Emily was drunk, throwing up and she (Lisa) did not know what to do as her parents were not at home.   

We jumped in the car and headed for Lisa’s.  When we got there Emily was passed out with her head in the toilet.  Lisa did not know how much she had drunk or even what.  My husband immediately told Lisa to call 911 and get an ambulance to the house.  At this point I was holding my daughter's head up and trying to get her to wake up.  She began to vomit again and cry a little and tell me how sorry she was.   

At the hospital some very startling things came out of her.  She told us she'd been drinking at home for months by herself.  Her alcohol level was so high they had to keep her overnight for her own safety.

Her father and I were in a complete state of shock and just clung to each other as we stood out in the corridor at one point while they worked on her.  I had worked with alcoholics as a detox nurse some years before this happened and yet was not even aware my own child was drinking in my home at the age of thirteen.   

The next day we found out Emily found Lisa’s parent’s liquor and drank half a bottle of whiskey in a matter of a half hour.  Lisa was up in her room at the time and was not aware until Emily began to act funny and then got sick.  Had her friend not been brave enough to call us that night Emily could of died from alcohol poisoning.  I will always be grateful to Lisa.  That night we became one of those “other families.”  I thank God that Lisa was with Emily that night and had the good sense to call us.

Emily turned herself in another direction after that night.  She became involved with MADD in her junior year and now is a member of Youth In Action.  She tells her story to others and is presently working to bring the message to her peers of what can happen from drinking alcohol.  She was just given a grant and will be hosting a presentation at her high school next month on drinking and driving.  She wanted to have the presentation just before the prom and her upcoming graduation so it will be fresh in the minds of all her classmates. 

When I received this email from Emily’s mother, I asked her permission to put her comments on this website.  This is what she wrote in reply:

Dear Jack:

Please feel free to put the information I shared with you on Robert's website.  I've learned that parents need to talk to their children about the dangers of alcohol and teach them that it is not an answer for solving their problems.  I also learned during that time with Emily that if alcohol is available in the home children will try it.   

I am a mother who believed I had a very trusting relationship with my daughter.  We had always talked anything Emily wanted to discuss no matter the subject.  The anguish and guilt I felt that night and the unanswered questions of why she did what she did is an experience I would hope to prevent other parents from having to suffer and hopefully save other young lives out there.   

Emily’s opening remarks at the conference included the following:

“I am a member of Youth In Action with MADD Massachusetts.  I have been involved with MADD about one year. 

My first experience with MADD was as a delegate to the Massachusetts Youth Summit to Prevent Underage Drinking in May 2002.  I attended the Summit because I wanted to bring some of my knowledge to the group.  Not only was I able to contribute to the discussion, but I acquired some new information as well.  After the Summit, I was given the opportunity to attend the MADD National Conference in Anchorage, AK as a youth track participant and have been active in MADD Youth In Action. 

Youth In Action is a community-based project that allows young people to support the enforcement of underage drinking laws.  Just like our drunk driving laws (or any law really), no matter how many or how good they are, if we do not enforce them, behavior will not be changed.   

It is important that adults support young people, like myself, who are making the choice to be non-users.  The perception of a normal high school student is that they all drink.  A parent’s perception is that teenagers drink but not their teenager.  The reality is that 50% of high school students will not be drinking this weekend.  And, I have a particular insight into this reality of underage drinking.” 

After telling the audience about her use of alcohol beginning at the age of 13, and how alcohol poisoning resulted in her being rushed to a hospital, Emily offered the following remarks pertaining to her views on alcohol policy: 

“Now that you have heard a little about me you can understand why I may have a few ideas on alcohol policy. 

First, I think there needs to be frequent oversight and greater accountability for businesses that sell alcohol.  Right now, we have a law that forbids anyone to sell or purchase alcohol for someone under 21.  This law needs to be enforced more consistently and effectively.   Too many kids are able to purchase alcohol illegally.  And many kids can still get alcohol from people over 21.   

We know more oversight works because our Youth In Action team has seen it happen.  Let me tell you about one of our successful projects. 

Our Youth In Action team has completed many alcohol purchase surveys since 2000.  Alcohol purchase surveys use a legal age buyer that looks young to go into a package store and attempt to purchase alcohol.  This survey looks at whether a young looking, legal age buyer will be carded at the time of purchase.   

When we began doing alcohol purchase surveys in 2000, only 64% of the surveyed stores carded our legal age buyers.  After concentrated efforts with local law enforcement these numbers increased to 81% carded in 2002.  Our preliminary results for projects completed in 2003 are showing even better numbers.  The results of these projects are very telling and significant.  Frequent oversight of licensees creates greater accountability and fewer minors purchasing alcohol illegally. 

I don’t know exactly what it will take to wake up adults who support underage drinking.   

One recommendation from our Youth Summit was to implement a public awareness campaign that focuses on the legal consequences for adults who provide alcohol to minors.   I am not sure where the money is going to come from for this campaign.  However, the idea gives us a chance to educate adults about what can happen to them if they provide alcohol to minors.   

We are also working on an adult education program that is facilitated by youth.  We plan to take this program to adults.  We want to challenge adults to fulfill their responsibilities to enforce and support the drinking age law. 

Education alone cannot solve this problem.  We need greater enforcement and accountability for adults who provide alcohol to minors and for youth who consume underage.  Adults must realize the criminal and civil consequences of providing alcohol to minors.   I have told many adults their job is to be our parents, not our best friends.   

But, youth must also be held accountable for their choices.  If a teenager is arrested for having alcohol they should face the consequences and their parents should let them face those consequences.  By “getting their kid off” they teach their teenager that there are no real consequences for this illegal behavior.    

Youth In Action is a lot of hard work and the rewards are many.  I get to see first-hand the results of our work.  I have the opportunity to change policy, on a local or statewide level.  This year we are working on passing a .08 per se law, a primary seatbelt law and a minor in consumption law.  Preventing underage drinking is everyone’s responsibility.  I want other teens to know that everybody doesn’t drink and that you don’t need to drink to be cool and to fit in!”

My special thanks to Emily and her mother for allowing me to share their testimony on this website. 

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